Working in the restaurant industry and raising kids is a challenge, especially if both parents are in the hospitality game. Social scientist and early learning specialist Cath Collingwood spoke to the owners of a popular Durban eatery about raising restaurants and kids, especially when an epidemic came calling.
In March 2020 the husband-and-wife team Sean and Marcel Roberts were looking forward to another successful year running their popular Durban eateries: Café 1999, Unity Bar & Brasserie, and S43. When Covid-19 hit, everything changed.
“Initially we felt shock and horror,” says the affable Sean who runs front of house while Marcel chefs. “I thought we were going to lose everything. How would we pay rent? Pay our staff?”
The hardest thing to cope with was the uncertainty. Tough decisions needed to be made. When the lease of their iconic Musgrave restaurant, Café 1999, happened to come up for renewal they took a gut-wrenching decision. Open, as the name suggests, since 1999, the Durban favourite employed some very long-serving staff.
“The day we had to retrench people, I just lay on the couch and cried,” recalls Marcel with a shudder. “We were dealing with team members who had become like family, then there was UIF, banks, landlords.” The couple also took the decision to close S43, their beer and tapas spot in Morningside’s Station Road.
Left with only Unity Bar & Brasserie, things started to settle down. Light began to show. The couple took stock of their lives.
Sean and Marcel have two sons, Matt (11) and Luke (8) for whom Covid was also a huge shift. Suddenly their folks were home at regular hours. They could do things previously unheard of, like movies and popcorn together as a family every Friday night. As Sean puts it: “Marcel and I said to each other, ‘So this is what it’s like to live a normal life’.”
Raised to be independent, pre-Covid the boys were used to entertaining themselves in the garden after school. They would get their homework started in the restaurant en route home. Marcel and Sean both come from hardworking families and have a shared commitment to raising their children to be as resilient as possible. (Matt long since appointed himself to make lunch after school for himself and his brother.)
The couple love what they do. While prioritising their role as parents, they have also made sure that the restaurant is a welcoming environment for the boys. They can pop in and watch their parents in action, doing what they love.
To get this right. Marcel and Sean had a finely honed daily routine. One of them always put the boys to bed and they shared school pick-up. Marcel’s role in the kitchen meant more flexibility to attend school events, while front of house inevitably had Sean leaving home by 6am and running between the three restaurants. He’d shoot home in the afternoon for a quick shower, then straight out the door for dinner service. After that he’d get home late and fall into bed.
Lockdown was joy for the boys. The break from restaurants was the best thing ever! In Level 5, the boys had the benefit of both parents at home every evening and really enjoyed preparing supper together. Enjoying a meal together every night meant shared conversations rather than one parent reporting back and filling the other in on the day’s events. They could discuss the day and chat about or solve problems that might have cropped up.
For the first time their Dad could walk them to the nearby sports field to kick a ball around. He could encourage or play with them as they practiced their skills. With just one restaurant to manage, Sean has even been able to get to the gym with the boys on a Saturday morning for Jiujitsu classes.
With after-school sports cancelled, Marcel organised a Beach Bicycle Club to occupy the boys and their friends. With time on his hands, Sean could tag along. This was another opportunity for connection – Sean with the children and the boys with friends. Children who grow resilience are connected to other people; being more available for connection has enabled Marcel and Sean to create more conditions for their children to develop resilience.
The couple reflect on how they had become so used to ‘hitting the ground running’ they had not realized just how fast-paced their lives were until Covid forced a pause. “Until we were confined to our home, we hadn’t realised how exhausted we were.”
Suddenly there was time to do stuff. Sean set up a veggie garden and involved Matt and Luke. It was great. Learning from their Dad how to do stuff increased the boys sense of independence.
“Home schooling wasn’t toooo bad!”, smiles Marcel. “The most important thing was to keep to the same rhythm. Out of pyjamas by 7am, breakfast together and then school assignments from 8am onwards. Then they’d play outside.”
It couldn’t last though, and when lockdown levels began to ease, the pace at the restaurant began to pick up again. Curfews helped maintain the manageable pace that Covid had brought them. They explain,”Our staff could get home at a more reasonable hour. We could get home to the boys earlier.”
From my own observation, resilience in children comes from relationships. It is quite possible that Covid-19 is just a foretaste of the sort of challenges our children will grow up to face in an uncertain future. Resilience and adaptability are vital traits we need to teach them.
The presence of at least one reliable supportive relationship helps children through tough times. Having focused time with a parent who isn’t rushing from one thing to the next is the place and space where children can learn. Even in the face of crisis or pressure, they can observe and test their parent’s ideas on how to tackle tough situations. Children experience their parent’s presence in the face of whatever may have unexpectedly changed, and learn from it.
Since Covid, Sean and Marcel have been able to play board games with the boys before bed. This is an excellent way of developing decision-making, emotional regulation and turn-taking. These are the building blocks of resilience.
The change in the family dynamic and its positive effects have occasioned a change in how they conduct their business. They’ve reduced their trading hours to maintain the benefits this affords them as a family and the families of their staff. It’s not worth the long hours; rather spend more time with your family.
As I wrap this interview, the couple is finalising arrangements for their family weekend in the Drakensberg. What was once a distant dream – with the pressure of three restaurants and multiple kitchen brigades and front of house crews on staggered shifts – is now within easy reach.
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Cath’s tips for homeschooling in a Pandemic
Start small and know you are doing your best. Be confident that you know your child best.
Establish a rhythm for online lessons. If children get just two hours of focused learning per day, that’s a win.
Establish a defined learning space inside and outside. Weather permitting, school can happen on the verandah or under a tree.
If your child enjoys being in groups, a Zoom group learning session may work well for them.
Listen for what your child is really interested in. This is the time for passion projects, to pursue interests they haven’t had time to focus on before.
If home schooling is not your thing, find a parent in your circle who has time and may enjoy teaching. Ask them to facilitate group learning sessions on Zoom.
Grandparents or family friends may be interested in leading story time or craft sessions.